Published April 2015
Genres: Romantic Comedy
Note: I was granted an advanced reader's copy of this book in exchange for an honest review. This does not affect my rating or the content of my review.
Check it out on Goodreads
Her bosom heaved at an alarming rate as his rough hand found its way down to her soft, yet wiry briar patch...
Can you say briar patch in a romance novel? What about meat sword? That’s what it is…a meat sword, right, all meaty and sword like, slaying through the inner dungeons of a woman’s dark desires. What about breasts? Do bosoms really heave?
God, I have no idea what happens when private parts touch.
I’m a virgin trying to write a romance novel and can’t seem to write past a sex scene thanks to my lack of experience.
My two best friends encourage me to drop the pen for a while and gain some real life practice through multiple dating facets such as blind dates, online profiles, and random hookups.
But losing my virginity is proving to be tougher than expected…
Rosie Bloom is an aspiring romance novelist, but every time it comes to writing steamy scenes, Rosie draws a blank. In fact, the sheltered home-schooled girl is still a virgin at 23 years. With a little help from her two best friends and roommates Delaney and Henry, she gets introduced to the world of sex, so she can experience the real thing and finally make her sex scenes authentic.
What I loved about this book:
- It’s hilarous and entertaining as hell
- The characters were great and easy to relate too
- Did I mention it was the funniest read of all times?
What I felt needed improvement:
I was granted this book as an ARC via Netgalley. And while I thought it might be an average fun little read, I was mind-blown by how much I loved and enjoyed reading The Virgin Romance Novelist. After having read the first 3 chapters, I already knew it would make it to my Must Reads of 2015 and All-Time Favorites.
The storyline was nice and the book itself was absolutely hilarious. While she’s trying to make her way through the dating scene to get rid of her V-card (that feels like a curse for her writing-mojo), Rosie gets a lot of support from her friends Delaney, Henry and Derk, and puts herself into every sorts of extremely awkward situations. Some situations were extremely ridiculous and even a tad exaggerated (like the time she chocked on a pubic hair and puked on her partner’s anti-manscaping “briar patch”), but when reading this book, you must keep in mind that this is supposed to be a comedy and something that has to be taken at the second degree. It’s the kind of book you just wholeheartedly laugh about and don’t question if it’s realistic or not.
Honestly, I laughed so hard, I was glad I was reading this on a weekend (in one straight sitting, by the way) and not on my daily commute! Every chapter was hilarious!
“I was trying to mentally call up Scotty to beam me the hell out of the bowling alley. To bad Scotty was retired now, the bastard.”
The Virgin Romance Novelist is 1st person POV only, coming fresh from Rosie’s mind. The writing style here, as well as the storytelling was extremely entertaining and completely translated the fact that Rosie spent years home-schooled and secretly reading her mom’s century-old smut novels. So yeah, don’t be shoked when reading about “heaving bosoms”, “lady folds” and “swords of love”! But the most hilarious thing was probably Rosie’s self-deprecating humour and sarcasm – I ab-so-lu-te-ly loved her!
And while I usually hate naive heroines, The Virgin Romance Novelist was different. Rosie was extremely naive, but that was part of the deal and of the storyline. And well, Rosie might be inexperienced and naive when it comes to sex, but she’s not averse to trying and “discovering”.
“The only penises I’ve seen were courtesy of Tumblr and some careful Googling.”
“That was something I actually wanted to find out about, why men were so proud of their members. It wasn’t like ladies went around purposefully giving themselves camel toes to show off how big their lady folds were.”
And then, of course, Rosie goes on and does the most cliché’d thing a romance heroine could do: she doesn’t notice love when it kicks her in the bum (repeatedly). And while it was extremely predictable that her roommate Henry was in love with her, and jealous of her attempts to rid herself of her V-Card, I still loved every chapter of the book and was dying to know when Rosie would finally understand!
“Ugh, I was that girl. That girl who couldn’t make up her damn mind. That girl in a novel that I wanted to shake uncontrollably, slap some sense into her. I could see the reviews now, God, Rosie is so annyoing. Rosie is so wishy-washy. Rosie doesn’t know a good thing when it hits her in the face.”
I also massively enjoyed the side-characters in this story: Delaney and Derk, and also the guys that Rosie randomly “dates” – they all had personality (some more cliché than others), and didn’t feel like some average uninteresting side-character.
“You’re not writing about anal plugs.”
“And why not?” I asked defiantly.
“Because you don’t even know what a dick looks like in person. You can;t go from virgin to anal plug stuffing romance writer. Work your way in, Rosie.”
In the end, the story was very nicely tied up, and guaranteed for a cute happy-ending. As predictable as it might have been, the road to this happy ending certainly wasn’t! I loved the chemistry and underlying sexual tension between Henry and Rosie, and they made the perfect couple – whish we could find out more about them.
“I know it can’t all be true, that life isn’t as grand as some novels make it out to be, but I still love every single story because it’s an escape from reality, a moment in time where you can daydream of the impossible, where there is a chance of watching true love unfold right in front of you.”
So in the end, The Virgin Romance Novelist is a clear recommendation on my end! Go out and get it, you won’t regret it!
|All the feels|